Grief and Bereavement

Grief is a natural response to loss. The degree of attachment to that which has been lost will determine the level of grief experienced. Thus, we grieve deeply for those we love, including our pets. We find it difficult to readjust following divorce. When experiencing trauma that changes our lives and circumstances, we grieve the loss of our old life. Given the right skills we can allow this process of grief to move through us. Unskilled as we are in our culture we become stuck, unaware of how we are meant to experience the sadness, and depth of emotion welling up within us.

You may find yourself thinking you are going crazy, friends and relatives telling you how you should be, work asking you to get back to normal! This is not possible, grief changes us, we are forever changed by our experience, and it does not have to be negative. Finding our own inner resources and understanding our emotional requirements during this time can empower us to transform the grief experience into wisdom and understanding of ourselves and those we love. We can find peace in the joy of life and the nature of Being, once we embrace the depth of our emotion, and flow with the grieving process.

“Should you shield the canyons from the windstorms,
you would never see the beauty of their carvings.”
- Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, MD

Grief Therapy and Bereavement Therapy

Using rituals and ceremony can help us. Time does not exist for the griever. There is no time frame for grieving. However, if you are feeling deeply depressed for a long period of time after the death of a loved one (6 months on) seek help and medical advice. You may have clinical depression and need some short term intervention. There is a difference between grieving and depression. It is normal to have bouts of deep sadness, crying and feelings of intense loneliness following the loss of a loved one. You may not want to get out of bed or face the world. Often these feelings can kick in after every one else is expecting us to be OK. After the funeral when friends and family have gone back to their lives and you are left with your feelings and loneliness, is when help is most needed. Help can come from someone who has been through the experience, and truly understands the nature of grief and grieving. A good friend, someone who will listen and not give advice, someone to offer a soft place to fall. Someone who ‘gets it’, without you having to explain.

Read The Featured Article:
The Transformative Power of Grief

If individual therapy is required,
call Christine to schedule a meeting.
541- 292-2565
Christine@beingjoyful.com

Grief Counseling and Grief Therapy

WORDEN’S TASKS OF MOURNING
Dr. William Worden (1991) ‘Grief Counseling and Grief Therapy’ proposed tasks of mourning that the griever needs to actively work through.

Task 1: To Accept the Reality of the Loss.
We do this by engaging in ritual and ceremony such as funerals and memorials, writing poetry, making a video, visiting the grave and so forth. Telling our story of the person that died, verbalizing the circumstances and events, makes it real to us.

Task 2: To Experience the Pain of Grief
We have the right to our grief, to cry, to mourn, to do what is necessary to allow emotions to move through us. Men and women do this differently. Honor one another by recognizing the different ways in which we need to mourn. I wail in the shower, you might bake bread, he might chop wood!

Task 3: To adjust to and Environment where the Deceased is Missing Life has changed irrevocably. It is not the same. Trying to make it as it was before is not always helpful. It will be different, routines change, celebrations, birthdays and anniversaries. Try not to make any major decisions during this time of adjustment. Don’t sell, move or ‘run away’, until you have begun to adjust to this new way of life.

Task 4: To Redirect Emotional Energy from the Deceased and Reinvest in New Activities, ventures and Relationships.
This is about filling the void. Making time for friends and getting out. New groups and new relationships will be formed. Activities that have direction and purpose may help to find meaning. It is not about rushing out to replace the loved one.